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Posts Tagged ‘Relationships’

Dear Reader,

We approach a division in the topic politics, despite alliances and ethnic backgrounds. These different countries present different cultural aspects that fuel our righteous beliefs. If these beliefs clash hard enough without an understanding on either party then the inevitable outcome is war.

What about family? Is it a weird concept to apply foreign policy to a family?

Have you sat in the midst of a gathering of people related to you and thought that perhaps there are too many distinct lines that are drawn and you are tiptoeing through the intersection of borders?

fun_dysfunctionalWhere do allegiances go? Are they even necessary? How do we negotiate the mindless arguments in order to evolve out of the dysfunctional relationships?

 

Where does the mind stop playing the old tapes and the newly formed synaptic responses take over. they are all obstacles which we can overcome, but first we  must look past the lines. There are no borders, only hurt feelings, bruised egos and perhaps the occasional grief from the loss. These definitions are not normal, we as a culture do not abide by our personal involvement in a dispute. Much like a country, we react with the knee jerk response which causes another escalation. Back and forth, again and again until something or someone breaks. Though we may not see the physical breaking or the internal emotional stress but that is only due to a lack of self awareness.

We all know this story, whether we live one within our own families or we read about another family. The story most familiar is that of Romeo and Juliet, written by William Shakespeare.

The story of two lovers from opposite sides of a war between two families.

Moral of the story: Love bridges the gap between drawn lines of indignation and self-righteousness.

Hatfield and McCoys, two men bonded in war and through fear of death or worse one flees. Two friends are forever separated by the mental processes of fear and courage. This feud cost many lives until; two children bore a love and child that destroyed not only themselves but their unborn child.

Moral of the story: unwillingness breeds contempt to which the only result is death.

Foreign countries, like families brought together through marriage or adoption, are often a land of mystery, newness, exploration, and danger. The lines become blurred as children are born, thoughts and processes are evaluated, parents decide their choices will not be the same as their parents. Children grow up knowing two foreign countries and if they are lucky never see the civil war.

Despite 30 minute sitcoms and drama movies most of us are not that lucky. And just like any war between nations, people will reduce to basic survival after the toll of  stress, death and fear become insurmountable.

 

How does love bridge this gap?

How do I, being love, bridge my family of broken promises, unfulfilled dreams and skewed perceptions?

 

 

 

 

 

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Polytical Theory 101.

This is a fresh look at relationships and how we can change them to suit our needs. Not only is the social concept of monogamy something of  unwritten rule, it is only a choice among many when it comes to relationships. Personally, I like monogamy because I have a jealousy issue when someone touches the woman I love. however I have frayed into this realm with friends and one romantic interlope. The end result was I didn’t like being in line. That was me, and it doesn’t mean that polyamory can’t work. Check out the above link for more testimonial from another blogger.

 

Have a great day!

~Rochelle

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Anger Controlls Him

Anger Controlls Him (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

Dear Reader,

 

“It is a spiritual axiom that whenever I am upset or irratated at someone it is a reflection of something within me” – Paraphrased from the Twelve by Twelve.

 

What does this really mean? It goes on to ask about justifiable anger and the luxury of being right belonging to more stable men and women. Perhaps this can be said of the new person coming into the rooms with merely a few days of mud caked on their shoes. What of the person that has worked, found a path, attained spiritual experience after spiritual experience, and eventually having had a spiritual awakening works to bring another message? What of anger then?

 

The truth is anger is a tool, an exquisite natural emotion that allows people to navigate life in all it’s simple complexity. Anger simply means, “No, thank you.” That is it, no pomp or circumstance. We don’t have to dress anger in pretty words, flying fists, harsh stares or cuts of revenge. Anger is that part of you that says, “hmm.. You know I don’t think this is what I want to do. Can we go somewhere else?”

 

Upon hearing this request, the simple response is to mother the inner child that is protecting you. Responding towards the positive, “Yes, I hear you and I trust you. We can leave, let me say our goodbyes.”  Thus a scene is averted and happily we navigate through our day.

 

Now, how often does that happen? The idea is of the “normal” person who actually navigates this way. Show me a normal person and I will peel the skin off their fake smile to reveal a robot. We are all human, we all define these moments where the inner child says “I don’t want to do this.”  In our personal daily lives how many of you actually listen to her/him and respond accordingly?  Looks into the computer world, “Yeah  i don’t see many hands out there.” I don’t even do this. My friends and close confidants call it “Big Energy.”

 

I will admit that if I heard it one more time during the week I was going to scream. Big energy, you are too much Rochelle, can’t you just be? Okay you are talking way to fast, You are in your mind can you come from your core? People I know, love and those I was still getting to know. That was the wake up call, and then came the angel who spoke in words I understood; Shay.

 

The people I trust had been eluding to this idea of Big energy, over the top and childlike behavior and I dutifully listened making my own rationalizations about their inability to “see” me for the light of God.

 

*Note- Check ego on that last one.

 

So it comes to Shay, a beautiful, intelligent creative spirit that is currently still talking to me despite this Big Energy thing. Walking down the street I am on the phone trying to explain this constant message that keeps comping.

 

“And Like today, I heard Karate six times. 6 times, Shay, I mean really what is the message, I get the voice mail lord. Then there was…”

 

I talked for almost two minutes straight when this extremely brave woman interjects:

 

“Whoa.. Hey.. slow your roll. I want to hear you and I can’t right know. Can you take a breathe and pull it back in? I want to be present while you are speaking but you are going so fast that I can’t do that.”

 

I removed the phone from my ear and look at it. The thoughts in my head suddenly disappeared. Ironically for not having heard a thing I said she stated it beautifully. ” I can’t be present when you are like this.”

 

Holy, s^&*. A person I barely know is now repeating what my sponsor’s, ex-girlfriends, ex-wives, people in the rooms, the women’s group, and of course my mother have been telling me for years.

 

I heard it.

 

That is the gift of this daily inventory, constantly to seek self improvement which is how people stay spiritually conditioned.

 

— Yeah it’s ironic, check yourself before you wreck yourself.

 

Okay, I would like to say thank you. To all of you that have been brave to tell me the truth, whether in words, actions or silence (Dawn) for without your grace and tireless efforts to effect change in your own lives; you have effected the pond with the ripples of self love, acceptance, patience, tolerance and love.

 

Anger? It is a tool, a beautiful essence of  no thank you. The inner child that lives within my soul will pull on my shirt tail and softly tell me, “I don’t like this.”

 

When I don’t listen? Here is the irony, Big Energy comes out and I do something amazing fantastic.

 

For example, “Oh video Games!” Nearly knocking down a woman on the way to the door because I didn’t really want to go to dinner with my home group.

 

hmm.. That was two days ago.

 

Laughing hysterically in the middle of a business meeting, while another member is talking about immature sobriety (which is anyone less than ten.) The ADD child pushes out of me because I didn’t listen the first time four months ago when my inner child said, “I don’t like this group, can we do something else?”

 

.. That was yesterday.

 

Last night the beautiful peace of integration came through in bath salts, tears, a deep two card reading of Osho Zen Tarot and the beautiful Cam.

 

The spiritual axiom plays itself through in my actions. The simple answer is to listen to myself, mother myself and discipline my own actions.

 

Now where have I heard that before? 🙂

 

Regardless of what society deems as necessary to recovery, peace and “normalcy”, your reward will be heartache and tears if you cheat the gal in the glass.

 

 

 

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English: Late 19th century cutting board of ma...

English: Late 19th century cutting board of maple bearing the admonition “Waste Not” Not with a bread knife of the same period. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The mustard jar sits on the counter, next to the yellow crusted knife.

Empty Kraft cheese wrappers hide crumbs from the wheat bread,

Lay on the glass cutting board.

I walked past the counter and laughed to myself.

The soft smile lifted my lips as I thought of the word family.

The countertops littered with empty glasses and plates from last night’s meal.

Scattered tiles from the scrabble game spread across the table

Echoes of laughter and smiles remind me of why I said yes to you.

At first it’s funny, sweet, my arms laden with old dishes and hand towels.

Each week passes and my hands are Palmolive smooth, but my heart grows heavy

With every unspoken glance towards the cloud of uncertainty.

My hand stretches to you instead it is greeted by the cold sheets.

Your underwear in the top drawer, tops in the third, I found the card you bought.

My heart leapt with hope that you did remember after all,

No of course not, the empty surface reminds me that you stopped telling me.

Another night, the blue glow fills the living room as you sit like a zombie at 3am.

Three months, now six, my sadness turns to grief, my fear to panic.

You held me once and described how dragons made love, falling from the sky

Pressed into each other seeking only to consummate or die.

I am falling from your arms, watching you drift away into the hell of silence.

Moving colored gems into matching rows and columns, seeking your father’s comfort

Instead of mine, internet dating sites, messages from strangers,

I read the words in black and white, instant messages leave a paperless trail

Do I love her? Yes, but I am not in love with her. I can’t be the person she wants.

 I think I am here because I am afraid to be alone.

The mustard jar sits on the counter next to the yellow crusted knife.

Empty Kraft cheese wrappers hide crumbs from moldy wheat bread

Lay on the glass cutting board.

I walk past the counter and a soft smile lifts my lips, I remembered the reason

I said yes to you…

I was afraid of being alone. I sought solace in empty words from faceless lovers.

Bags in hand, an empty valentine’s card tucked between my socks

I remember the reason I left you.

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Definitions and rules, laws and concepts, the bible, religions, social reinforcement and others are the result of the current thoughts on love.

First there was the concept of “happily ever after”, then came the trial and suffering, and ultimately the freedom of expression through non-mongamous relationships. All of these and more define the definition of the word love.

Perhaps there is the strict moral code of religions: Love is defined as marriage between a woman and a man. This concept begats the reproductive cycle and creates teh illusion of a strong union. The man, depicted as the hunter, creates in the world, brings home the bounty and creates life. The woman, depicted as the gather, sin bearer, is the glue that makes the family stay together, the bearer of life, the spider that weaves the web of home, cleaning, cooking, children and sex. This union is uttered before the created god of any religion, bound by vows of honor, obedience and love.

Does it serve you?  What about love of children from parent, sibling to sibling, friend to friend? How are these defined in this union?

The fairytale exists, but the question is why? How did the mythology of sleeping beauty, cinderella or snow white began in the first place?

According to Joesph Campbell, Frazier, Jung and many other experts in the field of myth, these stories are created to explain life events that are otherwise not comprehended by humankind. Though it maybe an easy concept to understand today, the miracle of human birth was regarded as mysterious, and thought to be of God. Hence the mythology of the “virgin” birth that is not only stated throughout christianity and catholocism but also in religions and cultures across the world.

This concept of birth, is even shrouded in some myth today. There is a video on youtube that discusses the use of contraceptives by revealing a statistic. One out of every five men believe having sex while standing up does not get a woman pregnant. This is an obvious myth to those that understand how the reproductive cyle works. However the question that comes to the forefront of my mind is; why do one out of five men think that? How is it possible?

Does this not make the argument for sex education in public schools a necessity?

Perceptions of the world, in psychology, are defined as how the mind of an

individual connects the dots in their brain. Two people can see the same

Madhav Desai Blog

situation and percieve it differently. This we know to be true in our everyday lives.

So then the queston becomes what is love? Today while enjoying a smoke break two people disscused the concept of love. One believed that love is an illusion, does not exist and is constructed by the government and religous organizations to entrap people. The other believed that love is real and long term relationships proved this existence. He cited his parents and grandparents as examples of this concept. The third person sat down overhearing the previous conversation. The idea of perception is discussed to include the psychological definiton.

Perception: from the oxford dictionary;

The neurophysiological processes, including memory, by which an organism becomes aware of and interprets external stimuli

 

As the third part sits in observation mode, the first two discuss the obvious holes in each of their idea of love. The older woman points to her daughter and states, “I have to tell her that I love her. But do I love her? No, I have an umbilical cord connection but I do not love her. The nice looking man over there? I am heterosexual, so do I say that I would love to love him? No, excuse my french, I would love to fuck him.”  The other person who believes in love is a younger male who counters with his idea of long term relationships and the idea of family love. Both of these people percieve what love is to them, based on their experiences, upbringing and of course social stimuli.

The ironic part is that perception isn’t truth, nor is one person’s perception better or right over another. The idea is to acknowledge that each of us comes from our own idea of what we see. If no one is wrong and no one is right then there is no more need to fight over the “right” way. The simple response is there is no “right” or “wrong” because of the perceptions on an individual basis is their own.

How then does the fairytale become truth? Or does the idea of same sex coupling create waves? The possibility of loving a family member verses enslaving them how are these and so many others right or wrong?

They aren’t, quite simply they just exist.

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It’s precisely when in the throes of activity, giving 100%, focused and concentrating with all your strength and might, Rochelle, that it’s easiest to forget I exist at all. Even though that’s precisely when I can do the most, with just a nod from you.

Like right now, perhaps?

The Universe

P.S. Thank God for Email, Right Rochelle?

THis is the jewel of my existence, *gives a nod toward the Universe*

As you will it so it is, as above, so below.

Hugs All

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Streeam of consciousness. anger and despair run rampant in my brain.. the thoughts are confusing because on one hand I feel the wieght of my fears of not being loved and the other responds with a renewed resolve to step out of the shadows and find the truth.

My truth.  —I don’t deserve the attacks and I am not responsible for another’s pain. There own need to find peace by lashing out at me is old behavior. I am not the cause, nor the cure. There is a definate knowing that I am not in control of any of it.  In this space of knowing I am finding that the pizza I thought to order, the brownie sundae down the road does not appeal to me. It is only a fix, another way to push down the anger that rises up. My own needs for a healthy environment, giving back from the heart and living a whole spiritual and emotional life outweighs another’s needs for comfort. I am not your bag, god or thorn. I am love.

I expected that being love would open doors to a place that I had only dreamed of, equality and peace from everywhere. I was wrong, people fear what they do not understand and most of us don’t understand love. If there is one constant in this reality it is that people seek to fill their cup through taking from others. Not from recieving the love that is due them. And it is due them, all of them. From the drunk who weaves in a women’s meeting talking about the needing a relationship, to the man who seems to have everything at one year sobriety and then it falls apart because the woman left. We are all in need of love, support and freedom.

Why then do we strike at each other when the very desire we feel is to bring them close, hug them and lift them up? I do not understand this and expect that you don’t either but I remain firm in my resolve that no matter what I will continue to strive for the truth. Because this isn’t it. This is only a reality that others perpetuate from childhood movies, the re-inactment of relationships not finished.  Instead of the growth of the soul, a power exists beyond all that will fill you with all you desire and yet you turn your back on it. I know because I did the same, in my quest for self-fulfillment.

 Whether she is young or old, smart or lost in a hell of her own making I make her the god, the love I need when in fact she is only human. No woman, man or person exists to fill you with the desire you deserve, only God can fill that space.

The point is that once we let him do this, the relationsihp, person, job and life we desired becomes a reality. Let go of the expectation and the sun will warm your heart.

with love,

Me.

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