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Polytical Theory 101

Polytical Theory 101.

This is a fresh look at relationships and how we can change them to suit our needs. Not only is the social concept of monogamy something of  unwritten rule, it is only a choice among many when it comes to relationships. Personally, I like monogamy because I have a jealousy issue when someone touches the woman I love. however I have frayed into this realm with friends and one romantic interlope. The end result was I didn’t like being in line. That was me, and it doesn’t mean that polyamory can’t work. Check out the above link for more testimonial from another blogger.

 

Have a great day!

~Rochelle

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The Silent War

Experience

Experience (Photo credit: djniks)

The article in question is about false memories and the application in sexual abuse and rape victims. http://www.asu.edu/courses/pgs341/False-Memory.pdf

What are your thoughts about the ariticle?

 

From a personal standpoint the article reflected a lot of my own personal life
experience. The idea of false memories is not new to me nor does it affect my
own personal standpoint on sexual abuse. If the idea is emotionally unstable
persons can use these types of allegations for revenge then my question is where
did the emotionally unstableness come from? Children are born with innate
behaviors (Harwood, Miller, & Vasta, 2008) not one of them listed is
emotional instability or creating false memories. The horrors of tramautic abuse
can cause mix ups in recall or regression therapy however the trauma is still
present. According to the article, regardless of the memories being true or
false, the pain and suffering of the individual is still real.

It is the
reality of the silent war against sexual abuse that calls to me most, the idea
is we [society] keep secrets regarding our intuition, actual blatant evidence,
and heredity learning. Women who suffer sexual abuse as children develope a keen
sense of others regarding this characteristic however according to the article
this can be a false trail. At what point does the victim rely on their intuition
to avoid the same circumstances in their children’s lives or the lives of people
close to them? Simply recanting the allegation sends the message that sexual
abuse is okay and since the child can’t really recall then we must just forget
it happened. In my own experience, the perpetrator (my Uncle) insisted that
nothing ever happened. His willingness to stand against my accusations coupled
with my absence (left for the military) allowed for my family to only listen or
ignore the situation. I never fought it and found my own way to heal through
meditation, yoga, reading and writing. Later when I was in my 30’s I returned
home after 5 years to establish relationships with my family, make amends to my
brother, and generally become apart of their lives. It was during this visit
that I learned that almost every woman in my family had encountered something
similliar in their childhood. Aunts, grandmothers, cousins, all came forward to
tell their story. In the meantime of my absence, my Uncle was caught verbally
sexually abusing my sister (age 25). This and the past history of his childhood
and my purposeful absence helped them to come to terms with the reality of the
situation. There may have been mix ups in my memory of what happened, absolutely,
as my first instance is at 3 years of age however the action itself did take
place because there was nothing else to influence my memory. My uncle’s own
dealings in childhood with his brother helped my grandmother to recognize the
truth and later my sister (who is very outspoken) called him out for sexually
assaulting her on the internet helped my parents to realize this is not a
fantasy. I have no proof they didn’t believe me, only the inaction on their part
which now I understand to be born out of fear and anger. On my trip an unusual
thing happened, instead of the family ignoring my experience they asked questions
like “why didn’t you tell me?” or ” I could have done something, I am sorry.”
While these statements providing an opportunity to heal a lot of relationships
and my own perception of my family it also gave me permission to accept these
events were real and not false.
The silence of sexual abuse is broken down
in 3 parts; first not telling anyone what happened for fear of retribution or
being called a liar. The second is a passive behavior which is the action is
known but ignored by adults who are in charge of the child. And third, the
carrying of the truth about personal life experiences without sharing or healing
into new family environments. This silence against sexual abuse only allows the
perpetrators, who for the most part have been abused and are carrying foward
their learning, to keep doing acts that hurt children. The perpetrators are not
only men but women too. I believe that as a society our warped views and
education concerning sex, hormones and relationsihps contributes to the
continued assualt perpetrated on children.

Sex is a natural biological
action, one that humans share across the board, however if we continue to push
it away, refuse to speak about it, or call it something unholy that only
abstinence or marriage can salvage then we are teaching a falsehood. Inherently
each person is aware of their sexual drives, they do not, however, know what to
do with it, what to call it and shun it for fear of being in
trouble.Among more than 1,400 adult females, childhood...

Sex is a natural biological
action, one that humans share across the board, however if we continue to push
it away, refuse to speak about it, or call it something unholy that only
abstinence or marriage can salvage then we are teaching a falsehood.

Personally, false memories can be misleading, victim bashing and
a loop hole for the continuation of molesting or raping children. Parting the
curtains on this dark chapter in our humanity is the only way to heal the wounds
that are here, and have been here for centuries.

English: Possible directions of social comparison

English: Possible directions of social comparison (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Cooley’s metaphor also known as the “Looking Glass Self”, used to be my favorite way of obtaining self-knowledge. And just like Nisbett and Wilson suggested I made up quite a few causal theories for my behavior, none of which had any bearing on the reality. Using the social comparison concept, an external active source of knowledge, is a more accurate appraisal of how we are reflected through others perception of our self.

I think all three are necessary in any individual, if the goal relates to achieving the “potential” self through the “active” self (Higgins).

Like Meyer’s states (2012) social comparisons are defined as evaluating one’s opinions and abilities by comparing oneself to others. I prefer to think I use upwards comparisons in my own life, but I am aware that in my past downward and sideways comparisons also helped my self-esteem and sense of who I was. I believe this was largely based on the traumatic incidents during my childhood which helped me to seek out other ways to make myself feel better. This self-schema (Meyers. 24), a belief I wasn’t good enough to be in my family, is over compensated by increasing my worth to another. For example seeking to be everything for a relationship and thereby solidifying my place in a family. This of course is broken down because the potential self I am seeking is actually based on my perception of what others think a good family member ought to be(Tice, 1991). Needless to say a breakdown had to happen, anxiety over run and self-medication became the norm. This is also an example of a self-handicap with the excuse of why I failed in order to not be excluded from the family.

            Real Emotional TrashToday I seek the low self-monitoring (Snyder), and reframing my emotional responses and some intense therapy. (Laugh out loud).  Now, however,  I combine several of these social comparisons in order to benefit myself and others around me, my favorite is upwards comparison because it means to seek betterment of self. One of my personal schema’s, the goal is simple; to be better. The negative I watch for is, “at the expense of others” which I believe leads into the downward comparison. The effect an upward comparison has on the self is to create a positive feeling, a sense of accomplishment. For me, I looked for mentors who had attained stable families (at first) and began to ask questions, get open about my emotions, and give an honest appraisal of my emotional responses. Later I sought educated women, academically driven, generally anyone who exhibited traits and qualities I wished to emulate. They weren’t always famous or professionals (i.e. doctors) but they served to help me aspire to my potential self. Which at the time was to be a better woman, and then later, into a better human being who contributes to society and my community. There are always some downs like Meyers (2012) says, “Comparing ourselves with others requires us to notice, access, and recall their behavior and ours. Thus, there are multiple opportunities for flaws in ours information processing” (p.43).

Practice, practice, practice.

Because of this idea, that we week confirmation from others in our own behavior, doesn’t every friend circle you ever have been a part of make sense? Not to mention why my son continues to hang out with boys who drink, party, not work, … oh wait… maybe he’s doing the sideways comparison?

This is meant to be an eye opening reading, to see the reasons, social psychologists have found for why humans behave the way they do but more importantly; knowledge from all corners of the academic field can help us to create a better person ( a better you.) If you find yourself arguing against the model, it might be worth taking a second look 🙂

 

References:

Myers, D.G. (2012). Exploring Social Psychology. New York, New York: McGraw-Hill.

List of science fiction television programs by...

List of science fiction television programs by genre (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

There is a buzz on the net with manifestation, new age religions and well the crazy idea that you can train your brain.  I have written about these concepts many times from my personal experience, then the questions came “How do I do that too?”, so to answer you and the flood of questions, I have put together some amazing links and webpages for your viewing pleasure.

For the baby boomer generation, this idea seems ludicrous and hippified, for generation x they are jumping onto it like a starving man on a christmas ham. Note the movie reference. Within each of us lies a little child, a boy or a girl perhaps even both that holds onto our imprinted memories because they are scary, big, secrets or just feel awful. Healing through therapy is one conventional way to find these hidden tapes, as it were , and let them have their peace. The events in the past, psychologists say, leave an imprint on your memory. This in turns helps you to choose your behavior when encountered with a similliar type situation. Society conditions us to “let it go, its in the past. Just forget about it, there’s nothing you can do now.”

nognz brain fitness academy

nognz brain fitness academy (Photo credit: Raul P)

While it is true I don’t know how to travel back in time, there is something you CAN do about the past. You can expose its dirty secrets, relish in the beauty of sharing, and then enclose yourself around the light of love emanating from within, calming the Angel of Rage.

So lets get started! Brain Training 101:

What is it? What exactly is brain training, manifesting, and quantum jumping? Sounds like a great movie or sci fi T.V. Series doesn’t it? I decided to share some of my own personal experiences with manifestations, mind training and the old one, two about quantum jumping, because despite your skeptic viewpoints science fiction is the gateway into the next real of existence.

Lets look at Quantum Jumping first, a great company with amazing scientific people at MindValley

Quantum Jumping is an advanced visualization exercise that will enable you to tap into your subconscious mind and discover infinite number of realities and possibilities.  After spending decades studying meditation, yoga, hypnosis, and a variety of other spiritual and metaphysical disciplines, Burt Goldman invented Quantum Jumping in 2008. We now have over 180,000 Quantum Jumpers from all over the world who continue to change their lives in incredible ways!  Become a part of this global personal growth movement and practice Quantum Jumping to get ahead with your career, enrich your relationships, learn new skills and improve your wellbeing.  Click here to learn more

 

What about Love? How do you love? What social imprints were left in your subconscious that dictated your choice of partners, relationships and behaviors in those relationships? What type of attachment style do you employ? Secure, Ambivalent or Avoidant? Do you know how to love yourself?

Over the last 15 years Christie Marie Sheldon has been enhancing people’s personal vibrations to seminal heights, allowing them to become magnets for life’s pleasures. Christie has now cultivated the Love Or Above Toolkit to enable anyone anywhere to strengthen their energetic wellbeing to manifest and enjoy the fruits of life.

 

Harmony, feeling the grove baby, on a sunday afternoon. Omharmonics the new music sensation,

Omharmonics is a revolutionary audio meditation product designed and developed after a year of devoted attention by Mindvalley and a team of world-class consciousness engineers.  Powered with binaural beats, heartbeat synchronization and ambient sounds, Omharmonics stimulates your senses in a positive way and is scientifically proven to eliminate internal and external resistance to allow you to reach an optimal meditative zone in a matter of minutes!

 

You too can change your mind, your path, feel within the source of your greatest strength.

 

Un-recycle

Un-recycle (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The most constant buzz word in the advertising of most business and corporations right now is “recycle”, cant help but notice that the weather is a bit warmer eh?

What is recycling? The reuse of materials, products as a means to create a new product. For most of us its going to goodwill and getting a new pair of pants, well new to us anyway, for Graham Packaging its taking the previous plastic and melting it back down to create new Ensure bottles.

Its a matter of perspective and desire to stop buying new things, mass produced items or the general idea that we don’t need to have it shiny. Lets look at Cell Phones.

I own a T-mobile Samsung Sidekick , the one on the right is a 2008 version, mine is from 2011 and it cost about $400 to purchase. The selling points include a full keyboard with larger buttons and a larger screen with a mini computer within the slim black casing so that I can access the internet, email, facebook, and download movies, music or photos.

sidekick 2008The purpose for me for buying the phone was to have better access to the internet for my writing, emails, and work. Another important feature for me is the size of the keyboard (I have big fingers), and lastly if I ever traveled outside of Arizona I could still have contact with my friends and family. (My previous Cricket Phone didn’t allow for this.)English: Mobile phone evolution Русский: Эволю...

I am, what you might call a savy shopper, I don’t buy things when they first appear, I don’t watch television or the news due to the advertisments, poor programming and the insanity of spending $50 to $100 for cable. This is a personal choice I made over 6 years ago. When shopping for a new cell phone, I spent hours on the web looking at phones, processing speeds, checking websites of major companies and discovering what my friends preferred. Each network carried its own pros and cons, by the time I chose T-Mobile my wife and I went to see what it would cost for the family plan feature. She also had T-Mobile for her smart phone, I spent two hours in the store talking with the employees about the different phones. The sidekick fit perfectly, had the access I wanted but its camara was not very good (according to the salesperson), then I asked how much it was. After ten minutes of listening to him tell me how the payments are easy and not very much he finally told me $400! I was shocked and completely irritated that a phone costs this much.

I looked him square in the eye and said, “Look I can appreciate that the manufacturers of this phone believe its worth $400 but I am not convinced. How do I know this phone won’t break down or become inferior in 6 months due to upgrades? Do I get my $400 dollars back? Is it applied to the next phone if I need an upgrade? What if any garuntee can you give me this product will continue to work 6 months from now?”

His reply, while rather comical, floored me with it’s amazing lack of knowledge.

“No, the phone is going to continue to work, the sidekick is a great phone. But like anything you buy it will eventually stop working and then you can buy another one. The sidekick is $400 because its like a mini computer, think of it like this; Buying a cell phone is like buying a car, you have to trade up once in a while.”

And no to the question about the $400 transfer to another “mini computer.”

I nearly came unglued when he compared buying a phone to buying a car, as if stupidity came in pills and this guy two an extra dose this morning.

“Look, I understand you are doing your job and you get your commission for sales.”

“I don’t recieve a commission for sales, none of us do.” he inserted. I laughed and recognized immediately he was lying to me becase all of T-Mobile operates on a sales commission.

“Right, but seriously this is not like buying a car.” I calmly replied.

“Sure it is, don’t you trade in your car?” He asked, mind you I hadn’t even bought the phone yet and we are talking about trading it in, you know like a car.

“Okay let me get this straight, Like my car which has a 10 year garauntee if I do regular maintainence to keep me on the road, this cell phone will last me 10 years with regular maintence? Do you have oil changes and tune ups for cell phones?” Like I said, I hadn’t watched any television in a while so hey it could be possible. Maybe Jacque Fresco wrong?

“No, and your car doesn’t last ten years. Maybe two but then you just upgrade to latest model like your phone.”

The problem with this conversation is the guy is speaking from a sales perspective and having to have the latest gadgets, models or newest rims. The point of reducing our carbon footprint is about needing LESS, and he is talking from the point of needing MORE.

Right, I still needed a phone and it was the only one that fit my hands which left me with my choice $100 downpayment and walking out of the store knowing that my phone would need a major overhaul in two years.

It took one.

The funny part about this whole process? When I walked into the T-Mobile store down the road from my house, the salesman from across the room says, “Oh the sidekick? Its a perfect example of crap, I wouldn’t sell anyone one of those, they break down too easily, stop working on the touch screens and have a ton of gliches.”

Mmm… now I am fighting T-Mobile for a $500 bill with a phone that doesn’t work because production and sales quotas make them millions  a year.

Today you can find me remembering how to do call waiting on a handheld set we purchased at a thrift store for $5 bucks. On a landline phone that was made in 1990, and needing a cell phone? Well that idea went right out the window with the car I have to upgrade every two years because they changed the color.

What we think matters

There is a new movement, perhaps you have heard of it? They are calling it manifestation, New Age thinking, spirituality, and for some the words prophets, woo woo, and transcendant teachers play a role.

Yes, it can be a bit “science fictiony”, but did you know that the concept of thinking about your desires and manifesting them is not a NEW concept? There are classes in psychology that deal with social aspects of the human animal. They call it Social Psychology, which is basically a study of the human thoughts, feelings, and behaviors of why we do what we do especially in groups.

MOFHere are some references:

Myers, D.G. (2012). Exploring Social Psychology. New York, New York: McGraw-Hill.

According to Myers (2012) social comparisons are defined as evaluating one’s opinions and abilities by comparing oneself to others. In other words, we all look to our groups to decide if our own opinons are valid or realistic. Think about the current political climate with Obama, the group of people protesting his citizenship are looking to each other for validation of their opinion. When we have enough people or feel that our opinion is important to the world, these types of groups bring it to the public which they experience a larger sense of this concept.

The catch, that most of us fall into at one time or another, is believing that this opinion is correct above all other opinions. This the only answer therefore must be the “right” answer. Now, that can raise a few hairs on your neck because the inference is to negate your own personal view.

Can you rise above the pressure from the group? Is that really what we must do? Such answers lie in your own thoughts about how you feel about your own opinions. (Neale Donald Walsch)

“We are unaware of much that goes on in our mind. Perception and memory studies show that we are more aware of the results of our thinking than of its process” (p. 31). Awareness of the process of thinking can open doors within your own neural pathways and as most Transpersonal Psychologists and self help groups will agree, the process by which we behave is a built in response pattern based on previous experience.The social self.

Change the thought pattern, change the experience. “The self-schemas that make up our self-concepts help us organize and retrieve our experiences (p. 24).” This is how we remove ourselves from the “mob mentality”, groupthink processes and following like led sheep to a slaughter house.

Remember the difference between a leader and a follower,

While both are nessacary to self-actualization neither posses a “right” or “wrong” way. They only provide a light along the path, the choice to follow lies within the person; moreover you are both the leader and the follower with the a key power: To Change your Direction.

Day 7 Favorite childhood toys.

 

Amazing stories about our parents, toys and memories that were created before anyone ever thought about a playstation or nintendo.

Can you list your favorite memory growing up? Whether it was good, bad or indifferent, the memory lives on. Psychologists suggest that some of our personality is derivitive of our social environment and internal drives (Sullivan, Murry, Mead, 1965).

Perhaps they are right, I will never forget the day my step son said something asinine and I heard my father’s words come out of my mouth.

My favorite toy memory is my bike that Dad built for me out of junkyard scrap, my brother recieved one too. The best part was the cardbord sign he hung on the handle bars  that said “Merry Xmas, from Santa.” We knew it was him but we didn’t tell him. Times were hard in the 80’s and Mom and Dad always wanted to make a great Christmas every year, and yes we had presents galore. The best was always waking up with them and being together.

Check out our fellow blogger for an inspirational story and share your comments below.

 

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